5 patrician directors to replace ur entry level picks

martin scorsese –> abel ferrara

look, we all know how it is. you get to college and you realize everyone loves Goodfellas and some other people seem to be talking about this musical thing or something? anyways, long story short, everyone’s a scorsese fan too, awesome, great news. well that’s all well and good until you discover how basic and filmbro your taste is months down the line when the 101 class reaches critical levels of Taxi Driver references and you feel like you have to end it all, cinematically speaking that is.

well well well, if we don’t have another new yorker to the scene! abel ferrara can swoop in no problem and differentiate you from your peers, in addition to giving you some better movies than his more economically successful counterpart. want some gritty crime? throw out that Goodfellas dvd you finally bought on sale bc you got tired of rewatching the recording of it on your tv and pop in Bad Lieutenant or King of New York. want some genre exercises? well toss Hugo in the trash and play some 4:44 Last Day on Earth or New Rose Hotel. need some religion in your fedora-tipping life? cancel all future bluray updates on The Last Temptation of Christ, cease your rants on how Silence didn’t get any oscars, and finally remove Kundun from your watchlist, and instead take on the introspective and beautiful Mary.

paul thomas anderson –> jessica hausner

look, paul, i love ya man. Inherent Vice especially made me want a second renaissance of pta especially after two of his most “serious” ventures yet. but then we had to get Phantom Thread which was alright but fell prey to what made TWBB boring and – hold up, can i interest you in our lord and savior jessica hausner?

won’t take long; you could feasibly watch all 3 of her major features within one night if you were really bout it. a director who crisscrosses throughout genres, time periods, themes, and (what she beats pta it) moods, hausner’s films are laugh out loud in the same way that Punch-drunk Love or Boogie Nights are but Lourdes has the simple grace and effectiveness that Phantom Thread wasn’t quite able to muster, while being substantially less bombastic. add to her new sci-fi film coming out and you could definitely buy hausner stock now to get an edge on the film connoisseur competition in the upcoming years.

ingmar bergman –>manoel de oliveira

perhaps you see yourself as more enlightened than the charlatans who still think guy ritchie is good. well, you’re right, congrats, but reposting Seventh Seal gifs to your tumblr every couple of months only gets you so far out here bucko. bergman is sadboi kino personified, but the problem is that like half of his films are more or less the same, so you’re going to be treading the waters of your cinematic growth trying to do some Every Frame a Painting type thing w/ Through a Glass Darkly and then look back on your ‘films watched’ list in 5 years wondering where you went wrong.

luckily, there is a great director you can use to show off that patrician flair, and you can still pick the religious sadboi films if you’re really about it. stepping up to the plate is manoel de oliveira, a man with about as daunting a filmography that is substantially more diverse, though much of it is focused more on romance than… idk, that one time that you were crying bc of satan or something at bible study? anywho watch Francisca. there. i said it.

edgar wright –> neveldine/taylor

look, we can pretend all we want to, and most of it isn’t pretending i’m actually just incredibly more patrician than whoever is reading this, but anyways, point is, i used to throw on the occasional wright comedy to have a jovial old time before i realized how much of an idiot this made me. there is not a single patrician take on this director that you could identify as overwhelmingly positive; it’s all filmbro myopia with a tinge of entrylevel film essays.

maybe you’re like me, and you dislike thinking at all when it comes to movies. however, letting go of filmmakers that you might have once found dear might seem like abandoning an old friend or moving away from your hometown. fortunately i’ve done both of these things and can promise they are more emotionally exorcising than putting away your cornetto boxcase to indulge in Crank: High Voltage with the squad. and, if you wanted to be petty, you could realistically say that Gamer includes every film ever made, because it includes every color in the spectrum on multiple occasions. film or neveldine/taylor, which came first?

steven spielberg –> tobe hooper

i call this one the “inverse Poltergeist.” i didn’t really grow up with spielberg at all; i remember being moved by War of the Worlds which i still maintain is his 2nd best film but past that i either don’t recall or disliked the other stuff i saw of his in my childhood, which is really too bad because that seems to  be where most of his films would excel in. nevertheless, there is another director with a similar childlike awe of the world that will earn bonus points in particular because your friends will probably actually know what The Texas Chain Saw Massacre is.

ya got plenty to choose from. plow around and you’ll probably dig up a gem like Eggshells or Lifeforce or The Mangler. at the very least, you probably won’t find anything as bad or as self serious as Saving Private Ryan and you definitely won’t find anything near Ready Player One as much as hooper tried to prove us wrong there a couple of times. next time your friend uses the term “genre film,” feel free to step in and yell at him about how spielberg would trade his soul if he could make something half as inspired as Toolbox Murders.

on memes

we all are, i believe, conscious of divisions between generations. our parents are lame, our kids will be lame, and for millennials, even our own generation catches plenty of flack. even an art form that we more or less pioneered – which underwent similar stages as the other major ones (literature, film, painting, theater, etc.) – seems to get little recognition other than being cited as a form of hate speech by potential presidents. but a large part of this does seem to be due to the omnipresent generation gap, which has no shortage in its seemingly intentional ignorance of all things internet. consider, for example, the outrage among conservative boomers when a waitress’ bush did 9/11 meme went viral, or cher buying into the idea of pepe being a hate symbol. in all honesty, i could probably write this whole post on people’s reaction to pepe of all things – which is, at this point, a normie meme to begin with. unlike more abstract or ironic memes (such as those by special meme fresh), pepe not only has been around for ages, he’s relatively easy to interpret, and to a young person, his appeal might seem universal.


but i believe that perhaps the concept of memes is not universal. we all have some aunt that might share a top text – bottom text bold impact font inoffensive meme on facebook once in a while, just as they might throw on an elvis song or reminisce on Dr. Zhivago. because for most people – young and old – exposure to art is a secondary concern of some sort. many people (in my albeit biased experience) have little interest to actively hunt down new music, films, novels, etc. even though the barrier to entry for these sorts of works is nonexistant in the physical or monetary sense now, and purely in the intellectual one. the concept of internet memes has been around for less than half of that of video games, which, of course, have had similar issues getting serious recognition – despite the multi-billion dollar industry, graduate level work in the field, various journalism and criticism throughout the years, and obvious effort put into certain ones. so where does this leave the millennial invention of wacky text over a picture of goofy with the words “don’t vote?”


it leaves it as the punk movement, of a developing art scene that shares numerous similarities to others in terms of evolution, but a number of key differences that are frequently perplexing to anyone not embedded within the culture. but i don’t see how this should be as alienating as it is. as someone who has little to no interest in theater, i always question how acting can be so important to people, or set design, when the works are just repeated time and time again; i wonder how something can be considered fresh at that point. but theater is, of course, something i’ve come to accept as just being one of those things i don’t really get. but the barrier of entry to a number of things – football, film, fashion – has its own restraints to people.


for the meme, its barrier is primarily that it seems to feed off the anonymity of the net and its extraordinarily low lifespan. while there are some that do have a timelessness quality to them, most of them are going to be “dead” by the end of the month. scratch that; the end of the day. unlike inside jokes (something i frequently compare the artform with), they will not always be funny to the participants. things that i cackled up laughing at mere months ago are now just cringe.


the humor itself isn’t the only thing that’s temporary. two of my favorite meme pages of yesteryear, Fresh Memes About the Mojave Desert and Other Delectable Cuisines as well as Niggaz Still WILIN, have forever been “purged” from facebook. there are seemingly endless examples of pages getting banned from the popular meme-hub with little to no warning or explanation, to the point of where entire artistic online movements were started over it. because of the fragility of the artists themselves (a page could just get banned out of the blue at nearly any given time over nearly any given image), the art itself has become brittle in the way that few others have. like in the early days of film, not much thought is put into the preservation of these works. if I play KORN to my DMT parents were to suddenly get zucced tomorrow, would anyone have the entirety of its work anywhere? or even a fraction? other than perhaps the page owner, surely not.


what memes do share to their more accepted brethren is a history. a history of juvenile entertainment at first (probably the stuff your friends share on facebook), recurring characters or themes (pepe), and a devolution into the abstract, the ironic, the “meme for meme’s sake” of sorts. the fact that it went through such a quick history and already seems to be facing many of the similar issues of the rest of the art world with regards to postmodernism (what comes after self-conscious post-irony?) is a testament to the legitimacy of the movement as a serious art of sorts.


another thing they share, as i sort of mentioned previously, is they are easily dismissed by people not familiar with them. just as your aunt can jive with journey, she can also detest swans. just as your grandpa might rave The Green Berets, he could also slam Wavelength. and just as your boss might share a simple image macro with an overdone donald trump joke, she might look at a THEY meme and be totally confused. and there is, of course, nothing individually wrong with older people as a whole not understanding memes as an artform; but i do wonder how long it will keep up.


i don’t have the proper historical chops to be able to make predictive hypotheses on the future of memes. their lack of journalism – aside from isolated cases and the daily dot – as well as their ability to degrade at the first sign of mainstream attention signifies that neither the general media nor the “memelords” themselves are very interested in truly expanding their reach, which as of now includes people born in the last 25 years that spend too much time on facebook.


i didn’t really have a concrete idea in mind for this post so i sort of just wrote what came to mind and posted the first memes i saw on my feed. no credit given to the original authors – since that would again be against the extremely bizarre yet specific set of meme rules. if none of this makes a lick of sense, it’s probably for the best.


wonky sheik stuff that isn’t good but has its uses

-ledgedash > (charge) usmash against other sheiks (particularly on fd) when they recover seems like a good option if they’re at high percents. sure you could just regular getup > grab or ledgedash > grab, but i like ledgedashing as it guarantees (if your reactions are correct) that you won’t get gimmicked by their recovery, and i like usmash above like 130 on fd because sometimes you just mess up the dthrow > aerial stuff.

-ledgedash > fsmash as i mentioned vs fox is handy, in general it’s a good bait for players that stay at center stage when you’re stalling on ledge. i think it’s more effective against the faster characters and ones you have a chance to get a techchase on, so against like puff or peach or icies it’s not very good.

-chain has serious practical use against ganon and samus at the very least when they’re recovering. i would argue more against samus as she has some more mixups (you should be able to get most edgeguards on ganon without any problem), and you can chain her to extremely high percents and then just grab a stray hit, which usually isn’t too difficult to do.

-uthrowing spacies under platforms is underexplored and, if your techchasing punish game is on the weaker side like mine is, it can be handy as it forces them into a platform techchase rather than a grounded one. of course, the best thing you can get generally is an aerial, but that can be handy as if they tech away and you get a fair, they’re offstage at 50 or something etc.

-against ganon, one setup i like using as an edgeguarding tool is, when they go low and up b, dropping down with a weak nair, hitting them, eating the up b afterwards, teching it, and walljump fairing. it’s not as difficult as it sounds and it can be a kill on ganon at like 30 which is impressive.

-against most characters, if you get a ledgecancelled nair/nair on a platform to dash off the plat, you can generally get a fair if they hard di in. one big application to this is that you can use nair as a platform techchase since it covers most options, and then react to the di in and get a fair. usually works more on the heavier characters.

-“erik bairs” or dash > sh > reverse needle cancel > bair tends to be safe on shield if the bair is sweetspotted and the bair range is huge, while the aerial itself is pretty quick if you don’t screw up the RNC in some way. a good way to approach  marth in particular.

-on the side plats on yoshis, you can up b directly from the platform to the ledge if you roll all the way to the side. some of the more useful applications to this are a) lightshielding here in between stocks so that you can threaten a shield drop, up b to ledge, spotdodge, fullhop, or doing nothing and getting pushed back (particularly good stuff for people that can steal ledge effectively), b) baiting spacies into recovering to ledge since it’s difficult to react to the animation/where you’re going and then stealing the ledge from them, and c) against marth as the up b is invincible, so you just have to up b down and then hit l/r to pretty much get a guaranteed kill if you have time to set it up and they go to ledge. this stuff is also applicable with “erikdashing” which is doing an up b cancel off the side plat (works on dl, yoshis, bf, and fod usually) and grabbing ledge, which still works against marth and as an invincibility staller, but it’s very technically demanding and can result in you getting punished or flat sd-ing.